askjanus's blog

Could you direct me to a resource that spells out what is and is not permitted in San Francisco regarding public bondage--e.g., what sort of restraints can legally be used on a sub in public outside of bdsm clubs?

Thanks for the question. We asked folks on the team and here's what we came up with.

I am very very new to BDSM and I am trying to move slowly as I learn more about the lifestyle and myself. I have found a mentor, who is answering many questions and guided me to your site. I want to thank you and all of those out there who understand how scary and lonely this process is and embrace us with your understanding and patience.

I'm new to kink (curious and uninitiated, actually). I'd like to explore BDSM, but have a psychiatric disorder that could complicate things. I'd like to find a psychologist (or more than one) who's BDSM-familiar so I can find out what some possible implications of exploring this might be. Any help would really be appreciated.

First, congratulations on your forethought. Assessing psychological risk is often overlooked by some who are looking to become more explorative in their sexual expressions.

I'm under the impression that in some jurisdictions, all suspected domestic abuse *must* be prosecuted, and I'm worried about how that interacts with rape play and things like it. Going to jail for making my partner happy would be annoying, to say the least.

I'm specifically worried about SF and Oakland, as that's where we are. Any pointers you can give would be appreciated.

Is dirty talking considered a kink? I'd like to learn more about it and get better at doing it. I think it could be really fun but I don't want to offend anyone with things I want to say. One thing is that I think the word pussy is juvenile and I'd like to tell someone what to do with their cunt as dirty talk. I'm not sure if I should ask them before if it's okay to use that word or if it would be more hot to just spring it on them when we're playing. Do you have advice?