Ask Janus: Kink, BDSM and Leather - Which is it?

I've recently been introduced to the "kink scene" or the "BDSM scene". Those names make sense to me as far as my understanding of kink being related to exploring sex, role play, specific activities and social events. I've also seen the name "leather scene" and that is the part I don't understand. I have no interest in leather. In fact, I don't consume animal products, so wearing leather clothing is something I would never do. So what exactly does "leather scene" mean compared to "kink" or "BDSM"? Why would "leather" have anything to do with kinky sex or role play or the emotional and mental parts of "kink"?

Then my next question is, is leather a fashion requirement for being involved or going to events or parties? How could I find things to wear that would let me express myself and fit in without wearing leather that I am uncomfortable with? I don't want to be weird but I also don't want to be a blind follower.

First, welcome to kink! We hope your journey is fun, safe and rewarding. Thanks for your question.

The term "leather" is often used synonymously with "kink" and "BDSM," but for a good number of people, it's a totally different thing.

One meaning of the "leather lifestyle" has its roots in the gay men's community that that goes back to the beginning of organized kink. In the 50's and 60's, gay men formed "Motorcycle Clubs" to build camaraderie and meet and attract other gay men. It's often quoted that they adopted the dress code of leather from the "The Wild Bunch," a 50's era movie about a renegade group of male motorcycle enthusiasts who dressed in leather (and looked pretty darn hot!). Many of the mens' MCs did revolve around motorcycles and riding, but a good number of them were just into the leather dress code. And some clubs included kinky sex and forms of BDSM in the mix.

Another link between leather and kink comes from folks who participate in kinky activities - a good number like to wear leather, particularly black leather. At BDSM events and parties, it's quite common to find leather pants, leather corsets, leather vests and "toys" that are made out of leather - floggers, paddles, straitjackets and more. For these community members, it's part of the unofficial "uniform" of kink mostly because it's sexy and rebellious and hot! Just know that there are other kinky people who are adverse to wearing leather for ethical reasons. Some just don't like how it feels. Or they enjoy other fetish wear (more on that below).

One final meaning is leather as fetish wear. They enjoy a"leather lifestyle" but are not into spanking or role play or other BDSM activities. For them, it's about the smell of leather, the feeling of leather against their skin, or even the fashion.

As you can see, there are many links between "leather" and "kink" which naturally drives the term to be used in the greater BDSM community.

On a related note, the term "kink" often includes activities not always considered BDSM, such as age play, puppy play, cross dressing, genderfuck and more. It's hard to put such a huge range of activities and interests under one heading although "leather," "kink" and BDSM are each sometimes used as a catch all.

OK, on to your second question.

The good news is that wearing leather is not a requirement for going to kinky events or parties. Kinksters wear corsets, uniforms, military style clothing, kilts, lingerie, lace, latex, rubber, sexy outfits, all matters of period wear and even some costuming. In general, black works. What does not work at parties and kinky events are things like regular street clothes, tennis shoes, t-shirts with athletic logos, polo shirts with little animals on the breast, track suits and the like.

"Where" you find clothing depends on where you live. In many large cities, there are retail stores that have clothes suitable for kinky parties and events. You'll find mall stores like "Hot Topic" and "Forever 21" that have clothes that are well suited to many parties. Online, there are an infinite number of of choices. Check out places like JT's Stockroom, Mr S Leather (yes, they have even non-leather products), Dark Garden (corsets), Nasty Pig (rubberwear) and more. Use a search engine to look for "fetish wear" and "kinky clothes" and you'll be surprised by your choices.

More good news: At many kinky parties, especially ones at public dungeons, there are often "ambassadors" who can help indoctrinate you to the space, the "official" rules and even the language of kink. We all remember being new and for many of us, those few folks who took time out to help us not embarrass ourselves were so appreciated, and we pass along the gift that was given to us.

Hope this all helps. Again, good luck with your journey. Welcome to kink.