Ask Janus: New to the Scene - How to Meet People

I'm a new to the area 28 year old submissive man. How does it work with the different events that you have? Can anyone go to classes and parties? It would be cool to meet up with someone, preferably a woman and dominant. How do I meet people?

Hi and thanks for writing in. Finding out how to meet people is one of the most common questions we receive. First of all, anyone can go to classes and parties. A great list of the events going on in and around the Bay Area is available in our calendar. All of these events come with descriptions about what is expected of participants.

Going to classes and discussion groups is a common way to get started because you can get a feel for the scene and meet people with similar interests in a low key and low stress way. It's been our experience that a little patience goes a long way. It takes time to get established and get to know people. Most people need to start out in a way that makes them feel comfortable, welcomed and supported. Most likely, you aren't going to show up to your first open play party at the Citadel, make eye contact with that sultry Domme across the room and play for the evening.

Fact of the matter is, it takes time to get to know people and most people like some familiarity and trust before becoming play partners. Its important to know the etiquette and rules of the community and establish a positive reputation. The strong sexual aspect to the kink scene means it requires communication, negotiation and boundaries to make interactions beneficial to all persons involved.

There are some events specifically designed to ease this type of communication and interactions. Some parties are designed to help single people find play partners. Munches are social meals where people introduce themselves and their interests. Janus hosts a monthly Munch just for this as well as a coffee social just for Newbies.

The bottom line is that you should do what feels most comfortable and move on from there. You should be respectful and ask polite questions. There are a lot of people here to help your transition into kinkitude.