Ask Janus: New to the Scene - How to Meet People
I'm a new to the area 28 year old submissive man. How does it work with the different events that you have? Can anyone go to classes and parties? It would be cool to meet up with someone, preferably a woman and dominant. How do I meet people?
Hi and thanks for writing in. Finding out how to meet people is one of the most common questions we receive. First of all, anyone can go to classes and parties. A great list of the events going on in and around the Bay Area is available in our calendar. All of these events come with descriptions about what is expected of participants.
Going to classes and discussion groups is a common way to get started because you can get a feel for the scene and meet people with similar interests in a low key and low stress way. It's been our experience that a little patience goes a long way. It takes time to get established and get to know people. Most people need to start out in a way that makes them feel comfortable, welcomed and supported. Most likely, you aren't going to show up to your first open play party at the Citadel, make eye contact with that sultry Domme across the room and play for the evening.
Fact of the matter is, it takes time to get to know people and most people like some familiarity and trust before becoming play partners. Its important to know the etiquette and rules of the community and establish a positive reputation. The strong sexual aspect to the kink scene means it requires communication, negotiation and boundaries to make interactions beneficial to all persons involved.
There are some events specifically designed to ease this type of communication and interactions. Some parties are designed to help single people find play partners. Munches are social meals where people introduce themselves and their interests. Janus hosts a monthly Munch just for this as well as a coffee social just for Newbies.
The bottom line is that you should do what feels most comfortable and move on from there. You should be respectful and ask polite questions. There are a lot of people here to help your transition into kinkitude.
Comments
Newbie!
Hello Everyone,
I am totally new to the scene and have a million questions! I won't post them all here, but I will post a couple. I have seen quite a few photo's of beautiful women in certain attire, and wonder if in this scene it is only tolerated on those "with the body" to get in them. I'm not a big woman, and killing myself at the gym as I write, but I am one of those who was a stick with boobs, never had to worry and then, things kind of hit as I got older. Is it socially acceptable to don this type of attire (worn at the correct event of course) for those who are in my predicament?
Also, I am a blk female who is totally into inter-racial relationships, is the diversity I am seeking allowed in all groups & socials? I just don't want to deal with any intolerance or indifferences showing up at a scene where I, or my partner, isn't accepted. If you could please shed some light for me I'd totally appreciate it. I'd also like to add that I've just been introduced to your site, and I find it very informative.
Dom/Sub Rules
I had found a list of Dom/Sub rules that I thought was very informative but when I had my laptop cleaned of viruses the list was gone. Fortunately the link to Janus was still here. Any way that I can find that list or where I should navigate to go get it. Any information will be greatly apprecieated. Thanks Jay
Dom/sub rules
Hi Jay, thanks for your comment. There's not really any "one" list of rules/agreements; it may even cause problems trying to use someone else's list instead of negotiating your own agreements with a particular partner for a particular relationship or situation.
You may want to try brainstorming together with a partner to create agreements that will work well for your particular situation. Agreements may need to change over time and should be looked at often enough to make sure they're working well.
Dom/Sub Rules
Thank you for the reply. I am just becomming involved with a sub partner and now will begin the discussion to establish rules that suit our needs. SOJ is located in the San Francisco area form what I gather and has some affiliation in New Jersey, is there anyone or a group nearer my area in Richmond, Virginia? I've heard of some groups in the D C area but have no information on ways to contact them. Again thank you for your information and on being willing to blog and give me some direction.
Groups in Philly area
Gannymead,
We did a Google search for BDSM groups in your area and found a number of them. You might start there.
We do have two reciprocal organizations not far from Philadelphia - TES in NYC and Black Rose in D.C.. Both these groups have classes and resources for those just discovering the scene.
Good luck on your journey.
Getting into Kink
I am a 61 year old S/Bi/M. I'm getting into Kink for the first time. I'm probably a Switch. I live in the Philadelphia area. Do you know of any groups in this part of the country that I could contact. Any ideas will be appreciated.
Thanks
Gannymead
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